The battle

When I think back on all the battles Gayl had to fight, its a wonder that she fought as long and hard as she did. Five rounds of cancer. One frivolous lawsuit. One false accusation of drug abuse. Her parents every day. People taking her dogs, not paying for them, not paying fees. So many battles, so much money on attorneys and doctors, so much time. And the continuous, horrific pain that no doctor would believe existed, until we had the choked off bowel out of her to show to them just a few days prior to our last day together here on Earth. It had to take a toll on her. I know the pain took an enormous toll. I know all the battles did take a toll on all the people who claimed to be her friends and her family. One by one, as the number of battles increased in time and intensity and the years passed, people drifted away. They had their own lives to live, sure. But, no one was faced with all Gayl had to face. No one. Imagine having so much pain while going to the bathroom that you press the walls so hard that they bend, crack, and form a hole. And then have to write a response to an attorney concerning a legal action or decide about a cancer treatment. She never had a day off, never had a break in the pain, never a moment when everything did not press in on her. And yet, she did not give in or give up. But everyone else did. She could not escape the trials, but her family and friends for the most part ran from them. Some stayed true and would talk with her, which helped a lot. But, in the end, all she had was me to help her in her final fight. And though I did all I could, it was not enough. I failed her. I know I failed her because she is not with me now. She needed more help than I could provide, she needed a team to help her, not just me and a few doctors and nurses. She needed people who cared with all their heart what happened and would do anything to help her. And there was only me, how pathetic. I would have died so that she could live, but that was not what she needed. She needed people to think, and encourage, and help her fight. Her family and most "friends" ran away from this need. And only I remained. Why wouldn't they help her? I did not try to keep anyone away, and asked and asked for people to come help. Love is staying beside someone no matter what, never letting go, giving it your all when their is no more to give, being loyal beyond any limit, always putting the other person first. She gave so much love to so many people, why was I the only one there at the end when she needed help? Didn't they care? Didn't they realize that we could win this battle if we had a team to help her fight? Where was everyone? Didn't anyone else care enough to be there? Apparently not. Well, I will not forget. Gayl is my priority, my pride, my joy, and my boast. Cancer stole her from me and from this world. And no one else did anything about it. So, from this day on, cancer is my enemy. I will see it destroyed. That is my purpose. The people I would have helped, had they helped Gayl, need not ask me for anything. They gave her nothing when she needed it, and I have a war to fight on her behalf. I do not have the time or energy to waste on people who did not care enough to help her when she needed it. So, anything they would have received from me will go into the battle I must now wage. No one should have to die like that, no one. Gayl deserved better, and all she had was me. That is not enough, I owe her too much and love her too much to let it end with a victory for cancer. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day cancer will die and I will swear to do everything in my power to bring it about.